Shawna had now been labeled as a racist by the media. Rather than withdraw, as had happened with the CUP, she decided to sidestep it entirely and talk about the Mutant University, which she hated with a passion.
"Folks," She said, her voice strong and confident. "We are a nation in a grave crisis. We are wasting too much money on what should be, rather than what is." Many nods from the group. "What we have is a university beyond repair. Yes, it has a strength in religion--but that is not enough for Mutanatia to be competitive educationally." A few amens from the audience. "Yet we keep throwing good money after bad, trying to keep it afloat. The Mutant University is not going to stay afloat, at least not in the current condition it is is." Many nods and polite clapping.
"That is why, on day one, I will sign an executive order that stops funding for the Mutant University." Massive applause. "Kids who are still in the Mutant University will be able to graduate as planned, but no one new will be accepted." Many nods of agreement.
"The religion program is a 6-year program. At the conclusion of 6 years, the Mutant University will be closed by an executive, then a binding Senatorial, order." The crowd burst into applause.
"After that, the university will undergo a massive restructuring and with guidance from the private sector, will emerge via executive order 4 years after that!" Deafening applause. The citizens wanted to be reminded that they could still have a university!
"Folks, we are in a stark time. But, following my 10-year plan, the Mutanatia of old will reemerge! Thank you!" The crowd burst into applause as she left the stage.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Brad Watkins's First Speech
Brad Watkins took the stand. It had been a very long time before he had won the party's nomination, and, to add insult to injury, the only Progressivist candidate that was chosen last year was John Hopkins, who, quite frankly, shouldn't have won in his opinion. He had been elected twice, and the country was falling apart because the education system had not been maintained.
Brad Watkins delivered his speech without teleprompter and scant notes at the podium. He took a deep breath and began, "Friends, I am here to tell you about the miserable state of the country." The audience paused. That line had gotten their attention, like he hoped it would. "And our three Presidents have done nothing but make it worse. And it all starts with education. Most of our children who have graduated can barely read at a 4th-grade level." The audience murmured in assent. "Our media writes at a kindergarten level! The other day, the media defended religious education because, and I quote, 'God is awesome.'" He made a "duh" face, making some in the audience laugh. "Or how about this one? 'Scientists debate if two plus two equals four.'" He looked carefully at the audience as he scanned them. "That is the smartest they can write for some of us to understand. Folks, we can--and will--do better. I propose gutting the primary and secondary education system, and then rebuilding it. Our education system has been dubbed 'essential.' But it's not because it is essential; it's because all it teaches ARE the essentials!" Applause broke out.
The crowd eventually quieted down and Mr. Watkins continued his speech. "This change won't happen overnight; rather, it's a ten-year plan. Only by going slowly can we fix the education system. If we rush it, we run the risk of screwing the education system up further." He paused. "This is what I propose: gone will be the 3-hour school day. It will be replaced by a 5-hour, 7-day school day. More emphasis will be paid in the areas of economics, politics, math, and science...and that's just naming a few." There were several nods of approval. "Once we get that going, we can worry about the time at which school begins. Studies suggest that kids can't learning early in the morning!" Applause broke out. "I can't, I know that." He chuckled, and the audience laughed with him. "Instead, classes will start at 9 and end at 2. The final step is to remove the burden of parenthood from the equation." Applause rang out. "I suggest that we create a care-taking agency so parents don't have to worry about being home for their kids until their workday is over!" Applause began to rise.
"The time is now! The future of your kids is at stake! This is our time! Let's let children learn and succeed! They are our future! Thank you! And may the Flying Spaghetti Monster be with you!" The crowd laughed at the last bit.
Brad Watkins delivered his speech without teleprompter and scant notes at the podium. He took a deep breath and began, "Friends, I am here to tell you about the miserable state of the country." The audience paused. That line had gotten their attention, like he hoped it would. "And our three Presidents have done nothing but make it worse. And it all starts with education. Most of our children who have graduated can barely read at a 4th-grade level." The audience murmured in assent. "Our media writes at a kindergarten level! The other day, the media defended religious education because, and I quote, 'God is awesome.'" He made a "duh" face, making some in the audience laugh. "Or how about this one? 'Scientists debate if two plus two equals four.'" He looked carefully at the audience as he scanned them. "That is the smartest they can write for some of us to understand. Folks, we can--and will--do better. I propose gutting the primary and secondary education system, and then rebuilding it. Our education system has been dubbed 'essential.' But it's not because it is essential; it's because all it teaches ARE the essentials!" Applause broke out.
The crowd eventually quieted down and Mr. Watkins continued his speech. "This change won't happen overnight; rather, it's a ten-year plan. Only by going slowly can we fix the education system. If we rush it, we run the risk of screwing the education system up further." He paused. "This is what I propose: gone will be the 3-hour school day. It will be replaced by a 5-hour, 7-day school day. More emphasis will be paid in the areas of economics, politics, math, and science...and that's just naming a few." There were several nods of approval. "Once we get that going, we can worry about the time at which school begins. Studies suggest that kids can't learning early in the morning!" Applause broke out. "I can't, I know that." He chuckled, and the audience laughed with him. "Instead, classes will start at 9 and end at 2. The final step is to remove the burden of parenthood from the equation." Applause rang out. "I suggest that we create a care-taking agency so parents don't have to worry about being home for their kids until their workday is over!" Applause began to rise.
"The time is now! The future of your kids is at stake! This is our time! Let's let children learn and succeed! They are our future! Thank you! And may the Flying Spaghetti Monster be with you!" The crowd laughed at the last bit.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
First United Progressivist Front Debate
Moderator: Hello and welcome to the first of two debates of the United Progressivists Front's party. Joining me, to my right and going in that direction, is last year's nominee, Brad Watkins. Next is a 2-term Senator, Shawna Davis. After that is a 1-term senator, Warren Portal. Finally, we have our newest debater, a 6-month Senator, Jantis Bond. Welcome to all. We have 3 topics to cover: Education, Religion, and Laws. We'll begin with laws first. What law would you change and why?
Brad Watkins (BW): I would stop media from trying to influence our legal system. Trial by media doesn't deserve a place in our society.
Jantis Bond (JB): Well, that would run afoul of the Constitution.
BW: When something denigrates society, we must change it!
Shawna Davis (SD): I would outlaw mantis blood donation. [Gasps]
JB: Speaking as a mantis-hman hybrid who would not be here today should such a program not exist, that idea has no merit.
[Applause]
Warren Portal: I would outlaw religion.
JB: I would outlaw the inertia in the Senate. Either change the law so a bill can be killed easier, or limit the type of proposals we can make! [Applause]
Moderator: Next question: Should we outlaw religion?
BW: Yes.
[Applause]
SD: Yes.
[Applause]
WP: Yes.
[Applause]
JB: No. [Gasps] By making more public the evils of religion...religion will die out on its own accord!
[Applause]
Moderator: Final question: How should we overhaul the education system?
BW: Kill the religious programs.
[Applause]
SD: Shut down the Mutant University. It is beyond repair and saving.
[Applause]
WP: Privatize secondary and elementary education!
[Applause]
JB: No, No, No! I advocate an entire overhaul of both private and public education. Keep what works and get rid of what doesn't!
[Applause]
Moderator: This concludes our first UPF debate!
Brad Watkins (BW): I would stop media from trying to influence our legal system. Trial by media doesn't deserve a place in our society.
Jantis Bond (JB): Well, that would run afoul of the Constitution.
BW: When something denigrates society, we must change it!
Shawna Davis (SD): I would outlaw mantis blood donation. [Gasps]
JB: Speaking as a mantis-hman hybrid who would not be here today should such a program not exist, that idea has no merit.
[Applause]
Warren Portal: I would outlaw religion.
JB: I would outlaw the inertia in the Senate. Either change the law so a bill can be killed easier, or limit the type of proposals we can make! [Applause]
Moderator: Next question: Should we outlaw religion?
BW: Yes.
[Applause]
SD: Yes.
[Applause]
WP: Yes.
[Applause]
JB: No. [Gasps] By making more public the evils of religion...religion will die out on its own accord!
[Applause]
Moderator: Final question: How should we overhaul the education system?
BW: Kill the religious programs.
[Applause]
SD: Shut down the Mutant University. It is beyond repair and saving.
[Applause]
WP: Privatize secondary and elementary education!
[Applause]
JB: No, No, No! I advocate an entire overhaul of both private and public education. Keep what works and get rid of what doesn't!
[Applause]
Moderator: This concludes our first UPF debate!
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
YOU can determine the CUP's fate!
YOU, the reader, can determine the CUP's fate. In this post, please leave a comment about who you would want to win the primary of the CUP and why! You will have until the end of the Progressivists' primary to cast a vote.
Tamara Wolson's Final Speech
A very confident Tamara Wolson took the stage, her voice belting out each word in her District C brogue.
"I'd like to talk to you about the future of our education. Friends, like it or not, education secures your children's and your children's children's future." She paused, listening for the polite applause to settle down. "The public education system is a mess! There is too much government involvement in public education!" More polite applause. "My solution is to take government out of the public education system completely, other than using it to standardize educational curriculum." She paused, again, listening to the applause, this time more raucous. "The Mutant University is a MESS!" She said, gripping her hair to laughter. "There is, however well-intentioned, much too much government involvement with the University!" Applause again, louder than before. "The only thing the government will do in a Tamara Wolson presidency is recruit teachers of new courses and new majors!" Thunderous applause. "These are the simple solutions that we must make to ensure our offspring's future!" A loud burst of applause, riding in intensity, exactly as Wolson had planned. "The future is bright! Stick with me and we will go far! We will take education back from the abysmal failure it threatens to be, and Mutanatia's future will rise again! Thank you!"
"I'd like to talk to you about the future of our education. Friends, like it or not, education secures your children's and your children's children's future." She paused, listening for the polite applause to settle down. "The public education system is a mess! There is too much government involvement in public education!" More polite applause. "My solution is to take government out of the public education system completely, other than using it to standardize educational curriculum." She paused, again, listening to the applause, this time more raucous. "The Mutant University is a MESS!" She said, gripping her hair to laughter. "There is, however well-intentioned, much too much government involvement with the University!" Applause again, louder than before. "The only thing the government will do in a Tamara Wolson presidency is recruit teachers of new courses and new majors!" Thunderous applause. "These are the simple solutions that we must make to ensure our offspring's future!" A loud burst of applause, riding in intensity, exactly as Wolson had planned. "The future is bright! Stick with me and we will go far! We will take education back from the abysmal failure it threatens to be, and Mutanatia's future will rise again! Thank you!"
Monday, July 15, 2013
Ron Howling's Speech
Ron Howling took the stand next, and he read from a teleprompter. It was also approved by him, unlike the tales he had heard of many politicians whose speeches were not approved up until they read them, then had to back away from it as fast as possible. The speech was short and to the point. He hoped that the brevity would convey his seriousness.
"I'd like to echo Tabbatha Smith's sentiment. I believe that if you are religious, be tolerant. It is that simple. You should not resent people's differences; rather, you should marvel in the variety and splendor that our God created in each of our citizens!" The crowd applauded.
"I'd like to end this speech by talking about religious outreach. I believe every President, regardless of party, should reach out to to various religions. This position will dialog with religious leaders so we can further understand their beliefs. However, and make no mistake about it: Any expression of intolerance will NOT be tolerated by my administration!" The crowd rose to their feet. "Thank you! And God Bless!"
"I'd like to echo Tabbatha Smith's sentiment. I believe that if you are religious, be tolerant. It is that simple. You should not resent people's differences; rather, you should marvel in the variety and splendor that our God created in each of our citizens!" The crowd applauded.
"I'd like to end this speech by talking about religious outreach. I believe every President, regardless of party, should reach out to to various religions. This position will dialog with religious leaders so we can further understand their beliefs. However, and make no mistake about it: Any expression of intolerance will NOT be tolerated by my administration!" The crowd rose to their feet. "Thank you! And God Bless!"
Tabbatha Smith's final speech
It was time for Tabbatha Smith's final speech. She was, as promised, going on without any staff. She had written her speech herself and she hoped it wasn't lackluster.
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the CUP," She started, her voice a bit wobbly, before she gained her confidence. "I come to you with three things as reminders of why you should vote for me."
She paused, then, "The first is my record. My record is plain for all to see: I have preserved religious freedom. I have preserved the display of our Ten Commandments in federal buildings. I have preserved the swearing-in of politicians on the Bible." The crowd applauded and Ms. Smith beamed before continuing. "I had shown that those wishing to destroy our religious liberties cannot--and will not--be successful." Another wave of applause.
"The second thing is the vow. Of the four years I took the vow, only one large lie has been perpetrated by me: the lies in the debate and my first speech. As you are aware, I fired my staff, which was urging me to lie." A few murmurs of agreement could be heard.
"The final thing I'd like to cover is religion. As you're aware, in my last debate, I said that religion will die out on its own." A few murmurs engulfed the crowd. "But this is where you come in. By acting tolerant, regardless of species, creed, color, or lifestyle. This is the main message of our religion." The crowd erupted in applause and Ms. Smith beamed again. "If we keep going down the path we are already on, the only thing I can do with religion is preserve it. If we get rid of the hate, we can--and should--not only preserve religion, but see it prosper!" The crowd rose to their feet. "Thank you. Good night! And God Bless the CUP and Mutanatia!"
"Ladies and Gentlemen of the CUP," She started, her voice a bit wobbly, before she gained her confidence. "I come to you with three things as reminders of why you should vote for me."
She paused, then, "The first is my record. My record is plain for all to see: I have preserved religious freedom. I have preserved the display of our Ten Commandments in federal buildings. I have preserved the swearing-in of politicians on the Bible." The crowd applauded and Ms. Smith beamed before continuing. "I had shown that those wishing to destroy our religious liberties cannot--and will not--be successful." Another wave of applause.
"The second thing is the vow. Of the four years I took the vow, only one large lie has been perpetrated by me: the lies in the debate and my first speech. As you are aware, I fired my staff, which was urging me to lie." A few murmurs of agreement could be heard.
"The final thing I'd like to cover is religion. As you're aware, in my last debate, I said that religion will die out on its own." A few murmurs engulfed the crowd. "But this is where you come in. By acting tolerant, regardless of species, creed, color, or lifestyle. This is the main message of our religion." The crowd erupted in applause and Ms. Smith beamed again. "If we keep going down the path we are already on, the only thing I can do with religion is preserve it. If we get rid of the hate, we can--and should--not only preserve religion, but see it prosper!" The crowd rose to their feet. "Thank you. Good night! And God Bless the CUP and Mutanatia!"
Tamara Wolson's Interview
Finally, it was Tamara Wolson's turn. After this, the three candidates would have one last chance to appeal to the primary voters. The moderator dusted off his coat, the music played and way they went.
"Hello," said the moderator. "And welcome to the last edition of the Conservative United Party's version of Mutanatia Talks Politics. Joining me now is Tamara Wolson, a 3-month senator. Hello, Ms. Wolson."
Wolson looked chagrined. Hadn't her staff agreed not to bring up her experience? "Hi." She said, trying to sound confident. The quaver in her voice told her otherwise.
"Well start with the question that is on everybody's mind: educational reform." He said. "How is the Mutant University going to become a university of repute again?"
Tamara Wolson swallowed, perhaps too audibly. "Very simply, it is going to need to attract other majors and professors."
"And how do you plan to do this?"
"There will be a nationwide and worldwide recruiting program."
"And this will cost money."
Tamara Wolson raised an eyebrow. "Of course." She said, not sure where this was going.
"And can Mutanatia afford this?" Oh, great, he was a deficit hawk.
"It will have to." She shot back.
"Yet the Mutant University is world renowned for its religious program."
She looked confused. "Religion will only get you so far."
The moderator arched an eyebrow and leaned forward. "How could you say that to your party, a party, that, for as long as I can remember, has championed religious rights?"
Tamara was taken aback. "I meant that in terms of the Mutant University--" She was cut off.
"Yet that's not what you said." He scolded.
"What I meant to say was that religion only gets you so far as a career. Religion, as much as we'd like to think, is not for everyone."
"So you're saying--" Tamara cut the moderator off and he looked annoyed.
"I'm saying that we need more majors and more professors. If a citizen is to succeed in life, they must figure out what they're good at, be it directed by God or otherwise. More majors, better classes...these will all shape our nation's future and give our children a secure one."
"Thank you very much." The moderator said, curtly.
"You are quite welcome." She responded in kind
---
"You are damn lucky that I didn't bite your head off." The moderator said once they went off air. "Nobody interrupts me like that when I'm speaking, nobody!"
"Well, then," Tamara Wolson said curtly. "If I become President and you cut me or any other of the candidates off like that, AND give them a shorter interview than the others, I will come breathing down your neck so hard--"
"And if you don't win," The moderator said flatly. "If you run again, the next time we are on the air, the interview will be even shorter."
Tamara huffed and walked out.
"Hello," said the moderator. "And welcome to the last edition of the Conservative United Party's version of Mutanatia Talks Politics. Joining me now is Tamara Wolson, a 3-month senator. Hello, Ms. Wolson."
Wolson looked chagrined. Hadn't her staff agreed not to bring up her experience? "Hi." She said, trying to sound confident. The quaver in her voice told her otherwise.
"Well start with the question that is on everybody's mind: educational reform." He said. "How is the Mutant University going to become a university of repute again?"
Tamara Wolson swallowed, perhaps too audibly. "Very simply, it is going to need to attract other majors and professors."
"And how do you plan to do this?"
"There will be a nationwide and worldwide recruiting program."
"And this will cost money."
Tamara Wolson raised an eyebrow. "Of course." She said, not sure where this was going.
"And can Mutanatia afford this?" Oh, great, he was a deficit hawk.
"It will have to." She shot back.
"Yet the Mutant University is world renowned for its religious program."
She looked confused. "Religion will only get you so far."
The moderator arched an eyebrow and leaned forward. "How could you say that to your party, a party, that, for as long as I can remember, has championed religious rights?"
Tamara was taken aback. "I meant that in terms of the Mutant University--" She was cut off.
"Yet that's not what you said." He scolded.
"What I meant to say was that religion only gets you so far as a career. Religion, as much as we'd like to think, is not for everyone."
"So you're saying--" Tamara cut the moderator off and he looked annoyed.
"I'm saying that we need more majors and more professors. If a citizen is to succeed in life, they must figure out what they're good at, be it directed by God or otherwise. More majors, better classes...these will all shape our nation's future and give our children a secure one."
"Thank you very much." The moderator said, curtly.
"You are quite welcome." She responded in kind
---
"You are damn lucky that I didn't bite your head off." The moderator said once they went off air. "Nobody interrupts me like that when I'm speaking, nobody!"
"Well, then," Tamara Wolson said curtly. "If I become President and you cut me or any other of the candidates off like that, AND give them a shorter interview than the others, I will come breathing down your neck so hard--"
"And if you don't win," The moderator said flatly. "If you run again, the next time we are on the air, the interview will be even shorter."
Tamara huffed and walked out.
Ron Howling's interview
Ron Howling arrived early, much to the praise of the moderator. The moderator was, unabashedly, a big Howling fan. They chatted for a while, and then the countdown began. The music of the show, Mutanatia Talks Politics, was heard, and away they went.
"Hello and welcome to Mutanatia Talks Politics," said the moderator. "Joining me today is Ron Howling."
"Hello," said a very confident and comfortable Ron Howling.
"Let's get down to business. Recently, you decided to echo Tabbatha Smith's pledge and backed away from this statement:"
A clip was shown of him saying that there was a Progressivist agenda in the education system.
"Is there anything else you'd like to add" The moderator said.
"Yes. Fear sells," Ron Howling said, choosing his words carefully. "And it had me up in the polls. However, I lied to the Mutant public, and for that I am sorry."
"Do you think this will help in the polls as well?" Asked the moderator.
"It may, but that is not my intention," Howling said.
"Do you agree that the Mutant University needs to be reformed?" Came the question.
"I do."
"But do you see where your model of privatization could go wrong?"
"Yes; however, the state will still cover the cost of education for the poor."
"But that's not the Mutant University?"
"It is. Both the Mutant University and the public school system."
"Last question," Said the moderator. "What will a Ron Howling presidency look like?"
"Conservative," Howling said definitively. "But always willing to compromise."
"Thank you." Said the moderator.
"You are welcome." Said Ron Howling.
----
"You were right," Mr. Howling told his advisors on the way home. "This was a cakewalk."
"Hello and welcome to Mutanatia Talks Politics," said the moderator. "Joining me today is Ron Howling."
"Hello," said a very confident and comfortable Ron Howling.
"Let's get down to business. Recently, you decided to echo Tabbatha Smith's pledge and backed away from this statement:"
A clip was shown of him saying that there was a Progressivist agenda in the education system.
"Is there anything else you'd like to add" The moderator said.
"Yes. Fear sells," Ron Howling said, choosing his words carefully. "And it had me up in the polls. However, I lied to the Mutant public, and for that I am sorry."
"Do you think this will help in the polls as well?" Asked the moderator.
"It may, but that is not my intention," Howling said.
"Do you agree that the Mutant University needs to be reformed?" Came the question.
"I do."
"But do you see where your model of privatization could go wrong?"
"Yes; however, the state will still cover the cost of education for the poor."
"But that's not the Mutant University?"
"It is. Both the Mutant University and the public school system."
"Last question," Said the moderator. "What will a Ron Howling presidency look like?"
"Conservative," Howling said definitively. "But always willing to compromise."
"Thank you." Said the moderator.
"You are welcome." Said Ron Howling.
----
"You were right," Mr. Howling told his advisors on the way home. "This was a cakewalk."
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