Rob Volker's Resignation

The  "dominion over all species" remark had hurt Rob Volker big. His advisors told him to resign from the race, and that was exactly what he did. But before he left, he had one last surprise. He was going to make his speech, anyway. With a sad look on his face, he began.

"Friends, citizens, members of the CUP, effectively immediately, I ask the chair of the CUP to suspend my license to campaign as a CUP member and hereby also suspend my campaign." There were no boos, no jeers, just a standing ovation for Mr. Volker. He chuckled ruefully, then continued. "THough I would love to continue to campaign, 99% of you, according to our own internal polls, wish me to suspend my campaign. And when a voice speaks out as one, the candidate should listen. And so I shall. Before I withdraw from the race, let me address two key issues." He looked down at his notes and continued.

Gesturing to the four mantises sitting on the side, he said, "One is that I am not, and never shall be, a racist. I meant no offense to my fellow mantis-citizens," an unfortunate phrase that would draw ire from the media tomorrow since he was differentiating species after all, "and apologize from the bottom of my heart. As proof, I wish two things. The first is continue our mantis blood drive in city 4, the city that I am mayor of, and increase pay to the donors from one buffalo skin, to 2." Mantises lived and thrived on the barter system, and a buffalo skin was the most prized possession they could have. He smiled at them, then continued, "The second is to continue to research with both mantises and humans to find the cause of mantis blood transplantation causing the occurrence of mantis-human hybrids." Mantis blood, as everyone knows, could cure any disease, from lung cancer, to AIDS, and so on, but...it had a nasty side effect: the recipient gained antennae and mandibles. Scientists had been working for decades to limit this, but had not succeeded.

He smirked a bit then continued, "The second issue that I'd like to address is my endorsement." There was an audible gasp from the audience. Whomever he endorsed, the name of Rob Volker would be attached to them for the rest of the campaign. If he wanted to destroy someone's candidacy, now would be the chance. "Keeping in mind her fight to preserve religious liberties, I hereby endorse Tabbatha Smith. Thank you, and God bless." With that, he walked off the stage with a cocky look on his face.

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That night, Rob Volker received an angry phone call from Ms. Smith's advisors, urging him to back away from the endorsement. He did not, and the endorsement would remain on her head.