CUP Debate #1

This was the first debate for the CUP’s primary, covered, as always, by MNN. There were 4 debates by each party; however, due to the time it took for the debates, and the fact that there were only two months allotted for debate, each party was allowed to televise two debates, with the remaining two being divvied up equally as soundbites. 

Moderator: Welcome to the 15th annual CUP primary. Today’s main topic will be education and healthcare. As we look around the table, to the right of me is Tabbatha Smith, the incumbent President. We have Ron Howling to her left, a 6-month Senator. To his left is Tamara Wolson. She is a 3-month Senator. Finally, we have Rob Volker, one of our up-and-coming CUPers. To the first topic, it is noticeable that the CUP does not have education as one of their planks. With that in mind, what is the #1 issue facing our educational system? Ms. President, you’re on. We will proceed to the left.

Tabbatha Smith: Thank you. The biggest problem with have is the way religion is covered. [Applause] The UPF has put quite an anti-religion component in our education system. My solution is simple: give equal time to all religions when teaching our students. 

Ron Howling: Ms. Smith, that sounds simple on the face of things, but it’s quite frankly not possible. [clapping] You see, we can’t possibly cover every topic. If we covered every single religion, then we’d have to start that from kindergarten. A kindergartener can’t be expected to know anything about the religion of K’vin, or why Jesus saved us, and so on. You know that, and I know that. Instead, I advocate giving equal time to religion’s successes and failures. You’ll remember that the Giant Mantises in the forest were not treated as first-class citizens until recently, and that freedom of the press was largely a Christian effort. [applause]

Tamara Wolson: No, no, and no! The solution is simple: we accentuate the bright spots of religion and do away with the negative parts. For instance, was the KKK of the United States of old, evil? Of course. But then there were good religious organizations, too, back then. And let’s not forget that there are religious organizations now that fight intolerance and help the poor in District D. [applause]

Rob Volker: The easiest solution, seems to me, is to remove religion from education altogether [gasps]. The only way to preserve the sanctity of religion is to make sure that a majority of our nation sends their kids to Sunday School [mild clapping].

Moderator: With that, we proceed to our final topic, which is Healthcare. What changes need to be made to our system. Ms. President, you’re on first, and we’ll go to the left again as usual.

TS: Right, well, there are two things that need to be addressed. One of them is that the quality of healthcare must go up, and costs must go down. [Applause] Do you know how much of the cost of healthcare is spent on lawsuits and driven up by unhealthy people? The answer is simple: Bad doctors and, say, obese patients, will have to pay a higher premium. As they get better, and as obese patients lose weight, the premium will go down. And the second problem is because of immigrants who freeload on our system [Applause]. I advocate this: an immigrant coming to our country who does not have money to spend on an operation and does not have insurance will have whatever treatment is necessary, and then will serve out a prison sentence with every 100 mutancents (µ) giving them another month in jail. You cannot expect to freeload on the system without getting a penalty. [Applause]

RH: Ms. President, that could amount to a life sentence in jail! Though I think we can agree that costs need to go down, immigrants would need to pay a 1,000µ fine for every procedure that is done without healthcare. That is the first thing we can introduce. The second thing is that there should be a state fund set up for our citizens that have higher health risk. In this system, we would allow 50,000µ to buy health insurance; however, providing that citizen is relatively healthy and able to work, that must be paid off with 15 years...with interest to boot [applause]!

TW: You’re all wrong. First thing’s first: tort reform. If we lower the amount of money awarded in lawsuits for smaller mistakes, the rest will follow suit. Costs will go down, the system could then absorb the shock that the immigrants give it. The state-fund would not be a fund; rather, it would be a penalty that you incur for having, as a citizen, a free operation done for you when you should have health insurance. Last but not least, we’ll phase immigrants out of the healthcare system entirely. This is because immigrants are not citizens of this country and thus should not have anything but basic care afforded them [Applause]! 

RV: The solution is simple: mantis blood. The Bible says we gain dominion over this land and all its species: if Giant Mantises weren’t meant to serve us, then what species was? [Gasps]

TS: That is an antiquated and racist attitude and you know it. The CUP has long since acknowledged Giant Mantises to be a fully-inclusive part of society. Think about what you say next time; actually, in fact, think 5 times about what you say before you make such an insensitive remark! [Applause]

Moderator: We’d like you to give a reason why you should be given the nomination.

TS: I have the pulse on the CUP. I know exactly what our constituents want and don’t want and it has been shown through the legislation I have proposed--

RH: Wait a minute! Just wait a minute! Do you care to tell us how many proposals you have made in the past year to the Senate?

TS: That would be 17. 16 of the have passed and gone back to us.

RH: Right, and how many of them were then enacted by the Troika?

TS: 1. 

RH: So you’re telling me that--

TS: Wait, then why did you pass the bills?

RH: Because we didn’t have the numbers to end debate on it. To my question: Of all the proposals you passed, only ONE fit the bill and was passed into law? Tell me, which one was it? Refresh the minds of our views.

TS: That would be the right to display the 10 Commandments in the Troika mansion.

RH: You’re telling me that you have the finger on the pulse of the CUP when you pass one bill that didn’t even really have the interest of your constituents? Only 15% of this part even knew you had passed it. You really have the finger on the pulse of the CUP? That’s a lie, and you know it! [Gasps and applause.]

Moderator: Ron Howling, then why should you win the nomination?

RH: The fact of the matter is: Ms. Smith here is the very example of why the system is broken. We’ve had 17 issues passed before us, none of which was something any majority would agree with, all proposed by Ms. Smith. It’s good for numbers, to be sure, but her proposals were a distraction and a nuisance when this stuff was placed before us. Describe the Cybersecurity Bill for us, will you?

TS: It was a bill I proposed that would give the government access to all computers in the event of a cyber attack.

RH: And do you realize we don’t even have the technology to do that, much let alone effectively? And to what end? Do you even value our citizens’ privacy? I think not! [Applause rising] You are the very epitome of what is wrong with our party and our nation. You show no understanding for the challenges that face our citizens, our party, and our role in the world!

Moderator: Tamara Wolson?

TW: I believe that I can do a far more effective job than either Ms. Smith or Mr. Howling. I advocate moderation in finding a middle ground to all problems. I also advocate preservation of religion alongside fixing the system. I can do a better job than Mr. Howling did. Tell me, Mr. Howling, what position are you in the Senate?

RH: The whip.

TW: You’re telling me that you’re responsible for getting everyone in your party to get in line?

RH: That’s right. 

TW: And even with the Traditionalists, you could not get a bill’s debate to be ended? What sort of whip are you?

RH: My job is--

TW: Done very inefficiently and ineffectively [Applause].

RH: Well, what’s your job?

TW: I am a Senatorial Freshman.

RH: So you’re telling me that we should put our trust in someone who’s only been there a year? 

TW: Well, I--

RH: You’re telling me that you have the experience to be a whip?

TW: Well, I--

RH: And you’ve definitely experienced proposing legislation?

TW: Well, no [gasps].

RH: That settles that.

Moderator: And finally, Rob Volker?

RV: I have come within 100 votes of being able to take out a UPF member and have us gain seats. I am wildly popular. 

RH: Wait a minute...when did you run? What level?

RV: Senate primary.

RH: And how many times?

RV: 4.

RH: And you won?

RV: Well, no.

RH: And you’re telling me that you’re not even popular enough in your own party’s district, so you’re going to run for President? What sort of baloney is that? [Applause]

RV: I’ve refined my stances since then...

TS: And you still sound like you’re a racist. [Applause]

Moderator: With that note, we will conclude our debate. Join us next week, won’t you, when we discuss civil liberties. Until then, thank you and goodbye from MNN!